Home

They say that home is where the heart is, but sometimes that just isn’t true. I have tried to stand by this old saying and for the past five years or so I have done a great job. My heart was in school—therefore EIU felt like home. My heart was in student teaching—I felt quite at home in Champaign. My heart has been in teaching— and with my husband, I have felt at home in Bloomington and now in Morton, IL. Honestly, (not to sound too mushy) my heart has been with Doug—so where ever the lord has led us, we have felt at home. Even if that is three hours away from where we grew up.

Being high school sweethearts (again with the mushy stuff) Doug and I share the same home-town pride, and do not get us wrong, we love visiting—but we have been very content doing just that—visiting. We have never ever discussed moving back. Our heart has been with each other and in our jobs—until now. Or should I say, until Emery. 

Plans change—Doug and I are perfect examples of that---and my blued eyed baby girl has changed our plans. My heart is with Doug and Emery so I should be content with where I am at—but this house and town that we live in right now do not feel like home. And I need to change that.

After feeling an overwhelming sense of loneliness and helplessness and having a crying fit on my way to work right after Emery was born (okay maybe I should have blamed it on the hormones of a new mom)  I realized what was bothering me. I realized we needed to be back home. Back with our families. Back where we are supported and know people and are loved. If not for Doug and I—for our daughter. 

I LOVED my childhood and where I grew up. Yes—there might have been a few  rough patches, but I feel so incredibly lucky to have grown up with friends and family in a cute little football town where everybody knows everybody and I want to share those memories with my daughter—I want her to have the experiences I had.

I want Emery to be spoiled rotten by my Mom (HA…like she isn’t already…). But I want her to go shopping and out to lunch and swimming in the summer with Nana. I want her to walk behind my Dad in the woods and sit with him in a tree stand one day and experience the beauty that is a silent woods on a cool fall morning. I want her to sew and make things with her Gigi, run wild in Hidalgo, then come inside for a pork burger made by her Great- G’pa. I want her to be able to play and make memories with Uncle Austin, Kelsey, and Jordyn. I want Uncle Avery to take her fishing and to make her laugh as much as he makes me laugh. I want her to stop up at Aunt Linda’s office just to check in and chat and maybe deliver a polar pop. I want her to be as close to  Dora and CP as I am, get to know Heath and be babysat by Hannah—oh and maybe hit up a few races from time to time. I want her to get decked out in her finest orange and blue and sit at Chizevsky Field on a Friday night—with her family. I want her to wave at strangers and get a wave back (because we all know that just doesn’t happen everywhere). I just want so much for her.

Emery is going to be a busy girl…because I haven’t even mentioned the Jansens yet! Add in seven sets of aunts and uncles, 22 cousins (and one on the way), and a loving Grandma and Grandpa, and I would say my little girl is pretty darn lucky. I know Doug wants her to experience life in a big family. Always someone to play with or something fun to do. I know he wants her to run around on the farm with her cousins, feed the cows, “help” with chores, bake cookies with Grandma and ride around on a tractor with Grandpa.  Her life is going to be so full of love and experiences. And as her mother, I have to do everything in my power to make sure she has the fullest of childhoods. 

Doug and I have good jobs, a cute little home, and each other, but that just isn’t enough anymore. Some days I ask myself if I am crazy for wanting to pick up and move—and I know some days Doug asks the same question (if his wife is crazy to want to pick up and move haha) but he has been so good about understanding my desire to be near family.  Thank goodness he is more of the logistics guy and has been actually trying to figure out if we can do this. BUT thank goodness he also loves us unconditionally and wants what is best for his family. He is the perfect combination and Emery and I are truly blessed.

We are not  good planners. Doug and I have never really planned anything. That is just not us. We were jobless and homeless two weeks before our wedding and God provided me with a job. We went. After losing that job and thinking my life was ruined (I was a bit dramatic), God provided me with an even better job. We went. That is why I worry—this time around we are doing the planning, and I pray that it is also in God’s plans for us. I have always believed that it is just fine to question God, as long as I am willing to hear the answer. So that is what I have been doing. Questioning him every day and listening hard for an answer. Would my God fill me with this overwhelming desire to be by family AND be making things possible step by little step if this was not what he wanted for us? I believe my God wants us to be happy and to make others happy and to feel loved and to make others feel loved.  He wants everyone to feel at home. So with all of my questioning……as of last week he has definitely been answering back!

I am proud to announce that Doug has received a job working for Heartland Dental in Effingham. He will be doing what he went to school to do and I could not be more excited for him.  We are leaving two good jobs for one as of now and completely jumping into this whole “home” thing. We have been living a big question mark lately and now we can just live in faith.  I am just going to breath and have faith and not worry—(impossible for any new mom to do.)

So, home—as in my little house in Morton-- may be where we are right now—but are hearts are back with our families. And with big prayers and a whole lot of help from family and friends, we will soon be back. Back with our memories, back with our families, back home.  I do love the sound of that.