My Hearts Are At Home

I left my hearts at home this weekend. I am learning that Moms need to do that sometimes. A friend and I attended a Christian Moms Conference in Peoria. I enjoyed my time away and will tell you alllllll about it...but boy, did I miss these three!

Douglas is really good about keeping me updated with pictures and stories. He knows what it is like to be away so I really appreciate this. His stories didn't disappoint this time....by the looks of my house when I returned, lots of fun was had. And by the look on my husbands face when I walked in the door Saturday night, some tears and tantrums happened too!

Daddy is the fun one so I know they enjoyed wrestling downstairs, eating lots of treats and playing outside. He told me that they went on a bike ride (new favorite) to see the horses (also new favorite) and on the way home he yelled back to Em and asked if Auggie was okay. No answer. Finally Emery told him to shhhhh....she was sleeping too! It was clearly nap time, Daddy!

I loved my morning wake up pictures on Saturday. Smiles from everybody!

They were probably smiling because they figured it was going to be a Daddy-n-Donut morning and they were right! Told you he was the fun one. All I ever do for breakfasts are eggs and toast.

But while Mommy is away....the almost one year old will continue to get into everythingggg and the almost three year old will decide to test and push every single one of her father's buttons. Auggie is just Auggie. He lives a bit on the wild side and that is how we like it. I don't think any class I attend is going to change that. But Emery. Emery is usually very good. Sassy from time to time for sure, but for the most part pretty darn easy. That was not the case this weekend. I don't know all of the details, but I do know that there were at least two big time outs, tears, running out the door, privileges taken away, hits thrown and lots of not listening. She has never acted this way but I think with Mommy gone she decided to see what would happen if....

When she woke up Sunday morning I wasn't going to mention it. Something I learned over the weekend was to think about future actions and life lessons but to not to necessarily punish a child for something they did in the past. At this age they probably don't remember it--just work on the actions you hope to see in the future. I asked her this, "So what did you do with Daddy yesterday?" and I figured she would tell me about the bike ride or her donut. Instead she said, "I was just mean to Daddy and a bad girl. I will be a good girl today." And she was. That little stinker.

I guess she just needed to be bad for a day. And poor Doug. Maybe he needs to go away to a conference now.

A few months ago, Ammon told me about the Hearts at Home conference in Peoria. I attend teacher conferences all the time. So when she told me about it I was on board immediately. I figured if I go to conferences for my job and come back refreshed and ready to conquer my classroom why wouldn't I go to do the same thing for my other job. My Mom-job. She let other friends know and I did the same, but it worked out that we were the two that could go. And I am so glad we did. (Next year you other ladies. Next year!) The night away was much needed. First of all, Target shopping and my favorite bottle of wine (drank in red solo cups at the hotel hot tub shared with two old people, two kids, a Mom and a very nice man). Very relaxing. And second, a reassuring, refreshing reminder of why "moming" is the most important job I will ever have and that I am doing just fine.

I want to remember my favorite lessons or moments. If it works out to keep going I think it will be interesting to look back and see this from year to year. What did I need? What season were my children in? How did God answer the questions and prayers that I didn't even know I was asking?

Our first workshop was "8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids." The 8 tools are Talking, Listening, Influencing, Connecting, Encouraging, Correcting and Leading. He had great tips for each of these tools but my favorite two had to do with Encouraging and Leading.

"Your kids don't just have a negative behavior to stop, they have an important lesson to learn." I loved this. Being a Mom of babies, everything is new and everything can be a lesson. Instead of jumping to the discipline (which totally has its time and place) I need to ask myself (they talked a lot about pausing...before you do or say something you are going to regret. Breath woman!!!) what can I say or do that will help this situation from maybe not happening again or start to happen less and less. Have next time in mind. Use future focused learning language. I think the teacher in me connected with this and the Mom in me needed to connect that to the way I "discipline". 

They other tool I liked that kind of summed up the mom and person I want to be was the leading tool. "When you are a personhood leader, you won't have to make your kids follow you. They will want to." A positional leader is a leader people have to follow--a personhood leader is a leader that people want to follow. I hope to be a personhood leader in everything I do ESPECIALLY at home with my children. It reminded me that little eyes are always watching. My actions, listening, talking, relationships are on display and I need to use that to benefit my children. Totally easier said than done....but I need to try.

The second workshop we went to talked about Courage. As Mama Bears (or Lions because it reminds me of The Wizard of Oz) we HAVE to have courage. She talked about a lot of different situations or reasons. The one that was for me talked about the fact that to be courageous might require me to be uncomfortable. I hate confrontation and questioning. But if something isn't right for myself or my kiddos I have to get over it, be the adult, deal with being uncomfortable and be courageous. This teacher liked the saying "God is at work in, with and for you!" and remembering that already gives me a bit more courage.

We went to a class on anger. I am in no way a yeller or blow up kind of person. In five years I think I have raised my voice one time in my classroom. It just isn't me. But I also recognize that anger doesn't necessarily mean me screaming or exploding. I think I can sometimes have a slow simmer that does boil over and I might be short with Doug, Emery or Auggie (or anyone else that gets in my way.) But if I am being honest, those people are rarely the ones that have caused my real anger....they just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Usually it is something from the persons past or something outside of the childs control that has been simmering. I know I have had those rough days at work and when Emery asks for her sippy cup of milk for the one millionth time I take my bad day out on her. It isn't always easy to walk in the door refreshed everyday (and really it isn't possible) but just keeping that in mind will help. Another thing I found interesting was the thought of temperaments. We all have our own. And if our kid has the same as us that can be good or bad. And if our kid is the exact opposite that can be good or bad. Ha! She told us to go online and take a temperament test. Figure us out. After that you can do the same with your husband, children, ect. Figure them out. Then you can see why this and this drives you crazy or why that or that doesn't. Em and Aug are of course a little young for that, but it is something to keep in mind. My temperament might expect them to act a certain way because that is how I would....but maybe that just isn't them at all. 

Throughout the day there were many moments of laughter, tears and times that I was reminded that I am doing okay. There is no such thing as normal or perfect yet every mom has their own idea of what this looks like. Just realizing that little lesson was reason enough to go to the conference.

My biggest moment and something I will remember forever happened at the very end of the day. The band's vocalist (Meredith Andrews...she was amazing) shared her story. Young mom of three. Up and downs. A story many could relate too. She talked about holding her oldest son and just weeping tears of overwhelming love and joy and realizing that that is the exact way our GOD holds us and looks at us. I have had that moment with both Emery and August. I have held them and soaked in every feature and I cried my eyes out because I love them so much. It is unlike a love I have ever felt or will ever feel. It has been unique for each one of them. And in that moment I wanted to whisper to them that I will love them that much forever. Nothing they will ever do will make me stop. 

That is exactly how GOD still looks at me. And You. Can you say WOW? I of course know GOD loves me. Do you know how many times I have sang "Jesus loves me this I know--for the Bible tells me so...." And my grandparents, parents, friends, pastors have all told me this too. I have always known this simple fact. Ya...he loves me. I get it. But until looking at Em and Aug I never realized how big and everlasting that love really is. Makes me get all goose-bumpy and teary-eyed. Makes me smile and hug everyone I see (probably won't do that one). 

In that moment I realllllllly wanted to be home. That and the two and a half hour drive ha! Ammon and I made it home safely. It was mentioned that we all Mom better if we Mom together. So ladies.....we are happy to have our Mom-Tribe grow!

Sunday was a sweet day. Kids were happy to see me and I felt the same way. I saw a lot of this pretty girl.....

and a little of this handsome boy.

Emery and I had Mommy and Mini day. I needed it and I think she did too. We went to St. Anthony's Jr. High production of Lion King which was super cute. Em wiggled and attempted to say "Hakuna Matata" the whole time. I think/ hope she will be a theater kid. Then we Aldi-ed it up and got ice cream on the way home. All four of us spent the rest of the evening jamming to Disney Pandora and dancing (Auggie has the best new dance moves). I was so happy to be back home with my hearts!!