Some Stories. Some Thoughts. Some Prayers.

This post covers a lot. Some of our little stories. Some of my thoughts on this past week. And some prayers for my world, my children and their future.

First. Our stories.

 

THIS is how my week started. Those are frogs my friends. Five very squishy, very water-logged, frogs. After all of the rain from the weekend, Emery and I went out to check the pool and empty out the skimmer bucket. I of course blindly stuck my hand in....just to quickly jump back and wonder what the heck I had just touched. I have never met a frog that I didn't kind of like. They are harmless and kind of cute. Emery takes after me, she loves them. She loved these too. I did not. One attempted to hop away--as Emery cheered it on, I scooped up the doomed little thing and we released them out in the wild--aka far away from my pool and I. 

 

This coming Saturday is Em's THIRD birthday and you all know we celebrate the whoooooole week around here. Emery has kind of pushed even that a little bit. Anything we did this past week was for her "birthday." Random baking turned into birthday cupcakes (we didn't eat them all...we took some to Nancy's) and she is constantly listing the presents she wants. Currently the big gift is a real horse. White, please. With a hair brush and a fence. "So it doesn't poop inside my room!"

 

I hope she won't be too disappointed ha!

 

We hadn't really planned anything for this weekend. Come Saturday afternoon, we were bored and ready to get outside. Doug had never been to Ballard Nature Center with us so that was our pick. By the time everyone got dressed and out the door, it was nap time. Oh well. We threw caution to the wind and went anyway. We were not surprised to find two sleeping littles when we arrived. 

Wake up!!!! 

 

That 10 minute power nap must have been just what they needed. Emery talked (loudly) as fast as she could and was PUMPED to be showing Doug everything and Auggie followed her just yelling and pointing because he is mister mimic right now. At one point Emery ran up to a stuffed animal and yelled, "LOOK Daddy....its a TYYEEENA!!!"

She meant Hyena.

It was a raccoon.

Oh to be in that three year old mind of hers ha!

 

The first little bit of the trail was great. Then the little nap wore off. Emery was tired and wanted to stop for breaks...causing Auggie to be mad because we were not moving. Yay! Aug really is yelling in this picture....Emery is just mocking him.

But we all made it! (And got ice cream cones on the way home because of it.)

 

For not having plans, Saturday turned into a full, fun day. Nana came to our house to have some one-on-one time with August and we took Emery out to the lake with us! Uncle Chuck's family was having a family party and even though they are the "other" Jansen's, we always invite ourselves too. The weather was perfect, the food was awesome, the fireworks were good and the friends were fun! 

Em's friend Charlee was there which was perfect! These girls played and giggled and played some more.

 

I see a lot of fun years ahead. And trouble. I also see trouble. 

 

I really enjoyed just having some Em time. It was nice to hold hands and sit together and just listen to her. It made me realize how big she is getting.

 

How beautiful, right?

 

Since Saturday ended up being a big day, we took Sunday kind of slow. After some grocery shopping and naps, the kids ate popcorn and watched a movie. The popcorn is Em's new fav. One day this week she walked out from her nap and told me, "I just woke up because I was thinking about popcorn." Again...that three year old brain. 

*Note for future self: Popcorn, two littles and my couch do NOT mix. You can guess what happened...

 

After yummy burgers we rode bikes (to see the horse that Em will not be getting for her birthday) and explored the yard. We took baths and watched gymnastics and talked about what a great week it is going to be.

And as I was thinking about the great week ahead and as I was experiencing all of these little fun stories, my mind was constantly going back to the heartache and hurt around me.

I have lived such a privileged life. I can in no way, at all, relate to anyone who has been hurt this week. I am not a young black man scared to simply cross the street. I am not a Mother afraid for my child's safety. I have never been oppressed or been told that I was less than. I am not a police officer, risking my life everyday. I am not waiting at home hoping my husband makes it home safely from his job. I have never received that heart wrenching phone call in the middle of the night that someone I love has been taken from me. I have never had nightmares because I have witnessed things that a person should never witness.

But my heart can still hurt. For everyone and for my country. I grew up singing "red and yellow, black and white. They are precious in his sight." I was brought up knowing that all were precious in God's sight. I know that Jesus loves all of his children. Thursday night I prayed a prayer that I have never prayed before. I confessed to God that I really didn't know what to pray. Where could I even start? I was confused and angry and just felt hopeless. I told Him that I feel like lately bad news outweighs the good. Locally, people are hurting. Globally, people are hurting. Being the list person I am, I thought about what "The To-Do List" would look like for this country. Racism. Guns. Abortion. Education. Terrorism. Jobs. And on. And on. And on. It would be never ending. And who decides what needs to happen first. (I don't really want either candidate in charge of this list...) 

Which one would maybe fix all of them?

 As I layed this all out to God, all of my frustrations and worries, I felt this calming voice. This little tug in my heart. My mind drifted to Emery wanting the "brown" Baby Alive Doll for her birthday because she is "just the prettiest." I pictured the love and kindness she distinctively shows towards others. Love and equality. It is a very simple concept for all children. Love is life--hate is learned. I can't help but think of the children who have witnessed all of these senseless crimes this week. They will forever be changed. They will hate because others have shown hate. That sickens me. I can only hope that the happenings in our world today, the hateful words, the disgusting actions, don't outweigh the good. I hope this generation and our leaders do not hurt us more.

As a young Mom just trying to get by sometimes, I told God that I really felt helpless. What can I possible do that will make a difference?

As God was showing me my sweet Emery, my baby girl that I prayed for and pray for continuously. As he reminded me of the miracles of the week, people that I have been praying for daily and continue to pray for. I knew God's answer. I knew what I could do.

 I need to pray. God told us to first love Him and to then love our neighbor. We have stopped doing both. I need to pray that these relationships are restored to the highest. I ask that you join me.

And as I pray I need to do the only other thing I can do. I need to continue to raise my children as compassionate, kind, global citizens. I need to make sure they know the importance of equality and the power of love. I want them to know that their voices are so vital and that if something isn't right, they need to speak up.

Emery was just a baby when the Sandy Hook shooting happened. I was at work and had a complete meltdown at my desk when I heard the news. My only thought: What have I done? How could I have brought such a beautiful, innocent little girl into this horrible, ugly world? I felt so hopeless and scared for the future. Sadly, I have had those same mom-tears, those same thoughts too many times in her three years of life. 

But after listening to what God had to say to me Thursday night, I do feel this renewed sense of hope. She can change the world. Auggie can change the world. If we continue to preach love and not hate, if we continue to do our job as parents, imagine what a wonderful world our children could live in. All races, all genders, all religions living and working together. That is what Em would think should happen now. That would be such an easy answer for her. My job is to make sure she continues to think this way.

Matthew 18:1-5

 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me."

If my parenting job didn't feel overwhelming before, it does now. Small little pieces of the future are dreaming sweet dreams right now in my house and all across this world. They deserve it all. Everyone does. So pray with me. And parent with me (because it takes a large village).

And have a good week.