Pause

Kids are in bed. Toys are picked up. My homework is finished. And my brain hurts from thinking and planning out this week. I should go to bed but I really just want to sneak into my babies' rooms and hear their heavy breaths for awhile. 

Do you ever just need to smell their freshly washed hair one last time before calling it a night? Do you ever crave that heaviness in your arms as sleep overcomes them? I have caught myself daydreaming about Auggie's toothy grin lately and watching Emery in awe as she grows older with every passing second. I just want to pause time right now. I always get this way when life gets a little too full and busy for my liking. So here is my pause.

I have to drive Em nuts. I ask her approximately 48 questions everyday. How was school? What was for lunch? Who did you talk to? Did you like dance? Who is your best friend? Am I your best Mommy? To which she rolls her eyes and says that I am her only Mommy.

Some days she spills her guts. And on other days I make up some crazy rule that little girls have to tell their Mommy's everything or they can't watch Care Bears before bed. It works for now. Think it will in high school? She loves school but only talks to one friend. She has already picked up on the Pledge and The Apple song. I catch her saying, "The day is ovahh. Goodbye my frraaands!" and then she giggles when I try to say it with her.

Sometimes she cries when it is not a school morning so I know it is the best thing she could be doing. The girl would go everyday. She turned in her first book order and her first school pictures are this week. How exciting! (And expensive...how do people afford big families?? I guess no books and no pictures ha!)

Doug and I were laughing the other day at some of her new big girl phrases. "And all of a sudden!" "I am so mad right now!" "That is super cool." 'What yummy supper you make, Mommy." She throws these into everyday conversation and I wish I could remember the rest of them right now. She is becoming increasingly annoyed with her brother and at the same time becoming more and more protective and loving towards him. Sounds like any brother/sister relationship I know. She is the perfect oldest child. I will never ever know how I got so lucky to have her make me a mommy. I think she is the most beautiful girl in the world, inside and out. And guess what, this sweetheart says the same thing about me. "Pretty hair today, Mommy." 

And when I ask her if I am a nice mommy or a mean mommy during our daily Q & A, she leans into me and tells me I am always nice. And then I make her kiss me...just to have her rub it off and tell me "I don't like your slobbers." 

No one has ever loved me the way my Auggie Boy loves me. I swear he can smell me out. All senses are trained to seek out Mommy. He is so ornery lately. Folks, we have a hitting problem. His favorite past time is to walk up to Emery and just smack her. And before we can tell him how bad hitting is, he gets her into a full Auggie hug. And no one can stay mad after an Auggie hug. He totally knows what he is doing. He HATES getting into trouble and to him, a hug fixes it all. How do we break him of this?? Help!

He stomps when he is happy and puts his hand on his forehead when he is mad or sad. Sometimes they happen at the same time because he really has no idea what he wants or needs. Just whatever anyone else has. 

He is happiest outside and just figured out that he likes to watch football with Daddy. He stands on the edge of the couch and yells "GAH, GAH, GAH!" with his fist in the air. He always has a bat (or rolling pin or umbrella) in his hands and is swinging away at his ball on the tee (or his sister.) All boy. He is finally attempting to repeat a few words but is in no way talking. But boy does he get his point across. 

He is so much better when it comes to the pointing and whining. Now he comes and takes our hand and leads us to what he wants. It is kind of the sweetest thing ever. He is the best kisser ever too. My favorites are when he just comes up and kisses me, unprompted. Kind of the opposite of his sister. I have always said that he is my lover child.  I ask Emery approximately 48 questions a day and I kiss Auggie no less. His smile is so goofy and so fitting. When Em was a baby, Doug did an excellent job of laying her down awake at night so she learned to fall asleep on her own. I have failed at this miserably. August and I just melt into each other at night and I am usually rocking him long after he is asleep. He won't want me to do this forever....so for now I rock and tell Douglas that I will lay him down awake tomorrow night.

Emery and Auggie. I would pause you right here. Emery excited about her school day ahead--looking all big and stuff. And Auggie wanting to be just like her. 

Cheesy grins. So happy. So loved. 

My pauses remind me of how happy I am, how excited I am for the future and how fleeting this moment is. To be honest, I feel overwhelmed with the week ahead, the work that needs done, the bills that need payed. Instead of losing sleep over it tonight, I think I will go kiss Auggie's cheek, swipe Em's hair out of her closed eyes and thank the Lord for all that he has given me. 

And tomorrow I will push play again!