Touch

This past week, at a fantastic teacher's workshop, I was told something that at first I didn't quite believe. The speaker said that research shows that we need four hugs a day for survival. Four just to survive. Eight hugs a day for maintenance and get this....twelve hugs a day for growth. So in life, if you want to change and grow into a better person, you need twelve hugs a day. Are you getting twelve hugs a day? At first I was like No. Way. But it all depends on your definition of a hug. A hug to me is just positive touch. A shake of the hand, a pat on the back, a quick side hug, a full embrace. When I thought about it that way, I think I can happily say that most days I reach my twelve--but I have the sweetest babies and husband to thank for that.

Hearing that research made me super aware this week of how much I crave and need that touch. The first touch I feel in the mornings comes from Em or Aug (depending on who decides to rise and shine first.) Auggie specifically asks for "Mama" in the mornings and isn't happy until I just hold him tight for a few seconds. He needs that touch to even start his day. Before we leave for school and work its kisses and hugs all around. So I am up to about five hugs by 7:30am. During the day I might give a few pats on the backs here and there but the rest of my positive touches start the minute I walk into Sharon's and my little man comes running up and hugs my leg. Em is right behind him. I am now up to seven.

August Samuel is so stinking ornery right now. If I am being honest, he is the kind of kid that if I saw another mother struggling out in the store with I would be thinking "Control that kid"....and now that "kid" is mine. So we spend half our time trying to punish/lecture/praying the next fall off the chair or glass ornament thrown doesn't lead to stitches and the other half of Auggie time is spent in bear hugs around the leg, sweet hand holds, puckered up kisses and the sweetest snuggle before bed. I can say without a doubt that holding Auggie before bed is one of my favorite touches of all time and will forever be. I have always said we just melt into each other. We both need that touch.

Em is not quite as much of a lover as Auggie is. As she has gotten older she will hold my hand on walks and I love it when, after begging her to, she will cuddle on the couch or in bed and throw her arm around my neck like "You ain't going anywhere Mom." Lately when I tuck her in at night she wants to kiss my cheeks, my eyes, my nose, my forehead, my lips and my hair. And then she will giggle and say "I don't like kissing hair!" I tell her that I love her and she says she loves me. And then when I am closing the door, she gets my attention again and says "I just love everybody."
And I say "I know you do."
 I hope she gets enough positive touch. I hope she knows that I just want to hold her because she is my baby even though sometimes I tell her that she is not a baby anymore and that I can't hold her right now. I'm busy......
I just realized I do that. 

I love watching my kiddos together. There are plenty of not so positive touches. A push here and there. (And lets not forget Auggie is still working on the no hitting rule.) But they are getting more and more affectionate too. She will let him cuddle and intrude her space (for a little bit) now. The evenings are filled with giggles then near tears from their wrestling (which I count as positive touches) and no matter what they are doing, if you say go hug your sister/brother, they run to do so. I know Auggie likes Em's touch. He likes to lounge on her and is quick to give a sorry hug. Everyday when we get home from school I ask Emery to take Auggie's shoes off for him and they both plop down on the kitchen floor and she wrestles shoes off his ticklish feet. Even that I think is a positive touch. 

I love them. 

I also love my husband and the Dad he is. The presenter at my workshop had two full slides dedicated to the Father's role in a child's life and how important that role is to who we become. I was almost brought to tears reading those slides. I am forever and ever thankful that this man is the father of my children. I am forever thankful that he is so affectionate with them, that he teaches them important lessons and that he supports me. From forehead kisses to bear-hug wrestles, the kids and I are thankful for his touches. 

So I am up to seven "hugs" by the time I get home from work. Auggie and Emery take turns sitting on my lap for books. Nine. Aug clings to my leg while I cook supper. Ten. A hello kiss from Doug makes eleven and I still have a whole night of wrestling and bedtime cuddles ahead of me. 

As I sit here feeling warm and fuzzy because of this it is not lost on me that many do not get to twelve. Or eight. Or even close to four. I know there are people who would give anything to have their twelve hugs fulfilled so easily. People that yearn for that sweet cuddle or miss the touch of someone they loved. Right now I pray that they will know that touch soon.

Another week is here (crazy.) I can  get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holidays but I am going to make it a point to stop and cherish my positive touches. And I am not going to be afraid of giving them either. Who knows....maybe I will be just the number someone needed.