My Hearts at Home

This past weekend I went on a little Mom Getaway with a great group of girls.

I went so that I could come back and be a much better Mommy to these three cuties, a better wife to Douglas and a better me to me.  My good friend Ammon and I went to Hearts at Home two years ago and fell in love. We wanted to bring every woman in our lives the next year and our group grew to five.....and then they canceled Hearts at Home. Nooooooo! We were so sad and since then have been on the look out for something to take its place. Luckily, Jill Savage, the founder of Hearts at Home, couldn't stay away and not too long ago announced that she would be hosting a much smaller conference for the first 200 women to sign up. We got in!

We learned lots. One thing we learned is that we need time away together more often--maybe a six month check-in ha! We learned to be more intentional in our momming and that the very fact that we worry about being good moms means we probably are. By the end of the conference day, my head was spinning and overwhelmed. I want to take all of the great info I learned and do it all but I have learned that that is not possible or practical. I always like coming home and telling Doug everything while it is fresh and pick out a few things to work on together (because this life thing is definitely a team effort). So while we have picked a few things to concentrate on, I also want to recap the conference here for myself so that I can look back and remember items I want to work on eventually.

The conference was based on her book "My Hearts at Home: Becoming the Intentional Mom Your Family Needs" and she discussed six of the foundational roles your home should play in your families lives. Here are some of my favorite moments:

1. Home as a Safe House. 

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:12-13

I want this scripture printed and hung up in my house! It describes exactly the home that I want to develop and just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. We first learned about our love styles and why we have them. I am a pleaser and I know why. I personally need to work on how I communicate my feelings and my needs. Wanna know how I do this now? I don't! So just like I tell my kids at times, I need to use my words. 

 I loved it when she talked about practicing grace and forgiveness ALL DAY. I am going to be disappointed by Doug, my kids, students, friends, family--but they are all human. Forgive and move on. All day.

I need to work on intentionally listening. She told the story of listening (while doing a hundred other things) to her young son. He stopped and told her to listen to him. She said she was and he said "No Mommy....listen with your eye!" That hit me hard. That could have easily been me telling that story. 

Emery is starting to tell us so much and I don't want her to think that I am not listening.

I want my kids to always think they can come to me and I will listen.

The last thing on making a home feel safe is to make it safe to fail. The quote that I loved was "When a kid spills milk they don't need a lesson, they need a rag."

I just love that. And I think it goes back to the forgiving. 

Make a mistake, fix it, move on. 

Try to teach in times of non-conflict. 

2. Home as a Rest Area
As moms we do not do self-care well--we think it is selfish. It is not!

She asked us to think about what brings us rest (made me think of the Book of Mark which we have been reading in my bible study at school--Jesus was taking breaks and resting all the time. He knew how important it was!)

When do I feel refreshed? I realized I have two ways: Sleeping(!) and dates with Doug.

One I was already doing and the other I am now going to make a better point of scheduling. It is an unwritten rule at our house that Doug gets up with the kids on Saturday and I get to sleep as long as I want/as long as Doug can keep Auggie away from me. I feel refreshed and ready to go after that (and might look forward to it all week)Thanks Doug! The other one, date nights or days with Doug do not happen enough. Every time we do something special like that we end up at some point saying we need to do this more often. I have plenty of babysitters willing to watch the kids so no more excuses!

She talked about the importance of eating a meal as a family. We are already big on this but I loved listening to other mom's ideas of how to make the conversation more meaningful. I loved the idea of asking my kids WHO they were that day. Helper? Hard-worker? Listener?
Doug and I also plan to ask everyone at the table what there high and low was of the day. We often just tell each other the worst part of our days.... why not the best!

Life will only be getting busier for us but I think these things are very doable and very much worth doing.

3. Home as a Church
The biggest take away I had from this section was about praying with my kids.
This part spoke to me because I feel like I am right there with Emery. She prays at meals and at bedtime but I want to instill in her that prayer can be done at all times and for all things. My Grandma taught me this--something I will forever and ever be thankful for. Throughout the whole day Jill Savage told us that more things are caught then taught at home. I think this speaks true for this one--If I am saying yes to God, my kiddos will see that.

4. Home as a Pep Rally and Playground
This was the time of the day that I kind of felt like I could pat myself on the back because I felt like I was doing some of these things already. Go me!

She talked about kicking the "perfection infection" out of my parenting. This is something I am conscious of and working on. I am not perfect, neither are my kids.

She talked about making each child feel like an only child. When I read this to Doug he couldn't say Emery's name fast enough. She needs this and we do it from time to time but need to be aware and do it more if needed.

Jill discussed the importance of celebrations and being spontaneous. I think Doug and I do a good job of this. I love nothing more than a holiday or birthday and I wrote down fun ideas for no-reason celebrations. She also mentioned not being afraid of a mess.....I am working on that one!

The last two roles she discussed were Home as a Trauma Unit and Home as a School
As I listened to these topics I wrote a lot of "someday" notes. Like when the time comes and my house needs to be a trauma unit, I need to just feel with my kids or husband and not try to fix. I need to allow for disappointment and grief and just lend a listening ear. Eventually I will be able to encourage healing and hope....but most of the time I will just need to validate their pain and be with them in the moment.

If I am being honest, grief scares me. I don't know if I really know how to grieve because I have not really ever had to do it. I pray that if and when that time comes that I allow myself to feel and to let friends and family help me. Okay....that isn't a fun subject so moving right along....

During Home as a School she discussed teaching people, living, financial and organizational skills. She also stressed the importance of teaching about other cultures and values.
Having an almost 5 year old (yikes!) I feel like we are just starting in on this Home Role. I loved listening to seasoned mothers around the room give advice and ideas on all of these skills. It made me kind of anxious yet very excited for the future. I also realized that I am so thankful for the friends, family members and teachers in my childrens' lives who are already helping cover these skills.

Going back over my notes and writing this has been calming for me (maybe I need to add writing to my relaxation list). I can see things that I am doing well and very practical things that I can work on.
And it just reminded me that my hearts are at home and that I love them so darn much.
Until next year!

While I was away, I was also reminded of how lucky I am to have Douglas as my partner in crime. I totally think if there was a Dad conference he would go! (I am now trying to picture what a Dad conference would be like....) Anyway, I knew he and the kids would have a blast and not miss me at all. I also knew I would get lots of pictures--the man knows me. 

Another one of B. Just because. 

Emery Kayt. She probably missed me the least. But she is probably who I learned the most about.

Funny Em saying when I got back:

Auggie was being crazy so I asked her this: "Oh Em...why is Auggie so crazy?"

Her response: "Don't ask me......(shoulder shrug/eye roll).....Ask Jesus."

Such a smart girl haha

I know on Friday night they got pizza and ate in the front room while watching a movie. This only happens when I am gone and they keep it a "secret" from me until someone spills their guts. 

Doug texted me that Auggie didn't sleep with his blue paci Friday night (a miracle) and got all the way through Saturday without it too (a miracle). So of course Doug thinks he is the best parent ever. 

I told him to just go ahead and potty train him while I was gone too. That would really be a miracle!

(Note--we are still without the paci. As Doug said, the house would have to be burning down now for us to give it to him.)

Doug sent me lots of pictures of Emery feeding Bennett. I love her concentration.

And I love this little squish face.

Saturday he made them French toast for breakfast (I told you he was good) and then they went on a huge walk. Look at those smiles. I got home just at bedtime to a clean house and kids that couldn't wait to see me. Just what I wanted and needed!

Sunday we headed to Hidalgo to visit. The kids wanted to take Candy Land to play--little did they know that Gigi still has the Candy Land the boys and I used to play! We played the old school one and a rousing game of Mickey Mouse Bingo. Next time we visit I think Emery and Gigi are going to see who is best at Ol' Maid. I wonder how many times we played that when I was little.

Time change has me all sorts of confused and sleepy today and I don't know what is for supper.

But I do know that I had a wonderful weekend.