The Things I Have Learned

In the last weeks, days and even hours of my Grandma's life, I learned more life lessons than I ever thought possible. Even on the night of her visitation and on the day of her funeral, I found myself taking it all in, putting things that were said to me to memory, seeking out what I thought my Grandma wanted me to learn.

(Next week is our birthdays. I have about 30 years worth of pictures like this.)

I have learned that love grows stronger with every passing year. My Grandma and Grandpa celebrated 61 (SIXTY ONE!!) years of marriage this month. In 61 years of marriage one might expect many highs and lows but after sitting with my Grandpa and hearing stories of the past, my grandparent's marraige was one for the record books. He claims that they had two fights their entire marriage and one happened only a month ago. I watched him kiss her good-morning and good-night everyday along with many just-because kisses in between. My Grandpa was 18 and my Grandma was 17 (her parents actually had to sign that it was okay for her to marry) when they married and over the years they became one. Rarely did I hear a story this past week that didn't involve both of them. They were a team, they brought out the best in each other, they always put the other first. My heart breaks for my Grandpa. I heard him tell many people that she was his angel and he meant it. I know that not everyone has what they had; my grandparents were truly a match made in heaven. I also know for a fact that my G'ma prayed for me to have the same thing. Douglas is an answered prayer.

I am going to take what I have learned from my Grandparents' marriage and apply it to my own.

61 years is hard to fathom but I look forward to love growing every year. Honestly, I have already experienced loving someone more now than I did seven years ago. 

I have learned just how special and needed family and friends are. I think my Grandpa receives at least five phone calls a day from friends checking in. Life-long friends who when they say they are there for him, are really, truly there. My G'pa's fridge is always full and a treat is always sitting on the counter. You should see the stack of cards my G'ma has received over the course of her illness--stacks of friends and family telling her how much she meant to them, how her friendship touched their lives. Even my own friends, who knew her as “Grandma Kay” have shared with me how inspiring she was to them. After we came home from the hospital for the last time, my Grandma wanted to talk about her final arrangements. (She was a planner just like me.) Eventually she expressed her worry about people coming to pay their respects. What if not many came? And to that we all laughed. 

I have no idea the exact number, but the funeral home had 400 programs printed and they ran out early in the evening. People stood in line for hours just to tell my family how much they loved my G'ma, how special she was. All of Hidalgo was there (I enjoyed seeing so many people from my childhood), all of her church family was there (young and old--so many shared with me how much they missed my G'ma) and so many old classmates and life-long friends hugged me and told me how lucky I was to have had my Grandma. Friends of my Dad and my brothers, and even my own best friend came to support us, to hug us, to remind us that we are not alone. 
I personally would not have been able to spend as much time with my G'ma as I did if it were not for my Mom and Doug's parents. My Mom's bags were packed and all it took was a quick text from me and she was wherever I needed her to be. Taking care of it all. Luckily, Sue and Sam live on the way to Hidalgo and I wonder how many times Sue told me to not be afraid to call if I needed help. And I wasn't ever afraid to call because I knew she meant it. It meant a lot to know that while I was away from my three, they were being loved on and having fun. So many others helped my family and I--Doug's brothers and sisters, Aunt Linda and Dora, our babysitter, bosses. All because of my Grandma.

And the thing is, I don’t think she had any idea. I don’t think she realized how much she shaped the lives of others.

I have learned that your attitude towards life can change another person's life in a moment. I had the opportunity of watching nurses fall in love with my G'ma the minute they walked in the room. Nurses and doctors she had had throughout her illness would come and visit her if they heard wind of her being back in the hospital. Hospice nurses told us that their favorite check-in of the day was my Grandma. Words like "Ray of Sunshine" and "Joy" were used daily to describe my Grandma even when she was sick or in pain.  My Grandma's faith always shone through and her personality could brighten even the darkest of days. This of course makes me think of my own outlook on life. Would anyone describe me in this same way? My principal has even asked us teachers if we think our faith shines through in our classroom. Does mine? I think just thinking about these questions and remembering who my Grandma was and striving to be like her will have a large impact on my life.

I have learned how important saying "I love you" and meaning it is. Her love was life-changing. Because of my Grandma's love, my family never hangs up the phone or walks out the door without hugs and kisses or I love yous. My Dad got my Grandma’s big heart and since my brothers and I were little he has instilled in us how important it is to tell those that we love--that we love them. But sometimes this can be done out of habit. Just said because that is what you always do. In the last week or so of my Grandma's life I told my Grandma many times how much I loved her. It was like I couldn't say it enough. But it felt different from times before. It felt so real and honest.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't dreading her funeral. I couldn't imagine how I would ever be able to say good-bye or see my G'ma for the last time. But it wasn't like that at all. I felt zero regrets, I knew my Grandma knew how much I had loved her, and I knew where she really was. Yes, I cried. Yes, I miss her so much. But because I know how much she loved me (my Grandma never said those words without really meaning them) and because I was able to reassure her how much I loved her, I am actually very happy for her. Imagine the life she is living now! And it makes me happy to know that her loving legacy will carry on and on and on.

I have learned how quickly simple little memories or thoughts can bring me to tears. And that it is okay to cry. My Grandma made the curtains that hang in my living room and it drives me crazy if they are messed up. With three kids, you can imagine that they are always messed up and I probably fix them five times a day. And now I will think of her every time. Last night, as I wrapped a homemade hooded towel around freshly-bathed Auggie, Doug had the realization that Gigi had made that towel. Him saying that in passing made me think of everything she has made my babies which then led me to think about our future children. I hate that she won't be there to hold them. Be there to make their bedding. I saw her sewing machine tucked away in a closet the other day and it reminded me that I never learned from her how to sew. But now I think I want to. I need to find her recipes, written in her beautiful big cursive, and practice how to make her noodles for this Thanksgiving. There are so many things that make me catch my breath so that I don't cry. So many things I want to do in her honor. The biggest being spending time with my family and cherishing every minute because that is what she did.

I have learned that God always provides and that his timing is always perfect.
This summer, everything seemed to always fall into place. I was able to be at the hospital or in Hidalgo whenever I was needed (or felt like I was needed.) Someone always texted or called or visited at just the right time. Someone always had the right words to say. There were hidden blessings everyday.

I have seen what cancer can do, and it is awful.

But I have also seen what God can do and it is beautiful. Even in sickness and death, He can renew friendships, love and faith. He can take sorrow and turn it into joy and hope for tomorrow. He can comfort and provide what every individual needs. He can make everything okay.

And I have learned that one little (classy, kind, loving, sweet, faithful, neat) lady can change the lives of others and set the tone for generations to come and I have a feeling that I will continue to learn from my Grandma for years to come.