Added Up

I have learned over the years that while big, fun moments like the Pumpkin Patch are important, it is really all the little moments in life that count the most. All those little life moments added up create our big and full lives. They are the moments I cherish the most. They also seem to be the ones that slip my mind the fastest. Luckily with a smell or even just a sound they can come right back. And luckily I have this place to write them down.  

Along with being the best Grandma in the world, my Grandma was a very skilled seamstress. If you ever see a picture of me when I was little, you can bet I am in something she made me (and I bet it has ruffles.) She made Emery lots of little dresses and made all three of my babies' bedding. I cherish these items and the memories made looking for just the right fabric or cutting out a pattern from wrapping paper. I took sewing lessons from her for one day. We made a skirt and a little kitty pillow and I hate that one day was all I spent with her. 

At my Grandma's visitation a neat lady from my childhood, Debbie Dial, told me a quick story of her Grandmother being the person that taught her all the important things in life. I told her that I felt the same and then I remember tearing up and telling her that one of my regrets was that I didn't learn to sew like her. She just smiled and said matter of factly, "You will. And you will do it in honor of her."

My Grandpa packed up all of my Grandma's sewing supplies and sewing machine and had them waiting on the table for me a few weeks ago. As I rummaged through old notes in her hand writing, home-made patterns and lots and lots of needles and thread I found what I was looking for. Her old, shiny, metal scissors and her perfectly rolled tape measure. The tape measure is worn with age and discolored. And the smell of it (who knew a tape measure could have a smell?) took me right back to her bathroom. Standing stock-still on the rug in front of the sink, getting measured for a dress I would wear to dance the night away in. I could picture Emery standing up on our counter at home and me telling her not to wiggle as Gigi measured her one more time for the outfit she was making her. I would like to ask my Grandma how old that tape measure is. I wish there was a list of who all has been measured by it. Who's lives have been touched by my Grandma's sewing. 

I used her scissors this week when making our Halloween costumes. I had no idea that the sound of scissors could bring tears to my eyes. The sound was so distinct and so memory filled. So many memories. So while I cut I added them all up and there was my Grandma and I. And now my plan is to make new memories with her. I have no clue where to start or what I am doing. But I will sew and smile and maybe one day be good enough to teach Emery too.

Speaking of Miss Emery Kayt, this year I feel closer to her than I ever have. I guess maybe that sounds weird to say, but its true. Since starting school, her and I get lots of one-on-one time. You can learn a lot about a little person on the car ride to and from school or the hour at home before it is time to get the boys. It's me and her and everyday I seem to learn something new about her. She is the perfect mix of confidence and quiet. I love watching her wave goodbye to friends as I pull up to her school or hear her quietly recite the school song in the back seat. We do everything together. Cheer practice, Wal-mart runs, quiet coloring time. My favorite is when she randomly brings up lessons she is learning at school and what she thinks about them. Last week from the back seat I heard her: "Mommy. One time, along time ago. Well, I wasn't born yet. It was just really dark and God said let there be light and then there was light!" It cracked me up that she had to add in there that she wasn't born yet but after that we talked about the fact that God created ev-er-y-thing. She also loves to tell us that we should love everyone because everyone is apart of God's family. She is a sweetheart to the core. She is funny, a crier like me, a worrier, a detail noticer, a little mother-hen. I wonder if she will remember this year with me and the Mommy and Em years to come. 

August Samuel continues to be August Samuel. He uses big words and I have no idea where he gets them. He listens to everything and yet listens to nothing. The other day, while we were looking at Emery's class picture, he nonchalantly called Em's teacher by her first name. We all just turned and looked at him. How on earth do you know Emery's teachers first name? He has figured out that playing farm on the kitchen table is way better than the floor because Bennett can't bother him. He is going to be a cow for Halloween and we had a knock-down-bawling fit the other night when it was time to take his costume off. With big tears in his eyes he told us that he wanted to wear his cow costume to bed "so I can moo all night!!!" His energy knows no bounds and he cannot talk quietly to save his life, but he is our lover and our light and when I add up my Auggie memories I feel overwhelming loved and happy. 

With a first birthday a week away, I have been thinking a lot about life before Bennett Lee. And I am not sure what we did without him. He cackles like Emery, is rough and tumble like Auggie and yet he is very much his own person. He is our B, our blessing, our wildest one yet. I got his hair cut short for the first time and all of a sudden my sweet baby is a sweet boy. He is our first climber (I bet he will figure out how to get up on the counter in no time) and he is at all times, the center of attention. Every time we pass the hospital in town Em and Aug yell, "That is where we got Bennett!!!" and I love that they remember that time that seems like it was yesterday yet forever ago. They do not remember a life without their baby brother. When they add up all of their memories, he is right there, watching their every move. This next year of B's life will be full of so many milestones and because he is the center of our worlds right now they will be milestones and memories for all of us. I can't wait. 

The day after Bennett's birthday will actaully be 13 years of Douglas and I. That means that I have been lovin' on him for almost half of my life which is kind of crazy to think about. 

When I add up 13 years of little moments with him I realize that I have already been blessed with such a big and full life. And I am looking forward to adding up forever-more moment with him and our littles.