Looking Back--Mommy Style

Everyday during these past couple of weeks has had a special memory to go along with it. Last year on the 4th of July, my Mom arrived in Morton ready to meet her new granddaughter (little did she know she would get to play the hurry up and wait game instead). On the 9th of July we celebrated my due date and just knew Baby J would make her appearance soon. I remember my Mom and Doug asking me every morning "Well...are you going to have a baby today?" My answer was always "Probably not....I still feel normal." And I did feel normal--huge and (hungry) and excited and scared and wonderful. I honestly loved being pregnant and dreamed about holding my baby girl and having this perfect little bundle. I knew I would love her because she was mine. But looking back, I had no idea how life changing our little miracle would be and how much my love would grow in just a year. I just wanted to collect a few thoughts about my journey as a new mom......

 

The first weeks of motherhood (okay maybe months) are a total mismatch of emotions.

1. I am sooooo happy

2. I am sooooo sleepy

3. I am the best and most organized new Mommy ever

4. I have no idea what I am doing...where is that darn paci....

You ask yourself a million questions---all of varying importance...

1. Is she breathing? 

2. What color of eyes will she have?

3. What time is it anyway? 

4. Is she hungry?

5. Will I be a good Mom?

6. When did I shower last?

7. Will she love me?

With all of these emotions and worries, I was a messy haired Momma who tried to appear like I had it all together. I didn't. But that really didn't matter.....because she was healthy and I did figure out when she was hungry (after she screamed for 10 days ha!) and she knew I was her Mommy and she wanted me and even though I looked scary and probably smelled, Doug still loved me:)

Looking back a few things just make me laugh about being a new mom. My priorities have definitely changed but I know some of my worries will always be there.

 I remember taking about 25 minutes to pack my diaper bag for the first outing. I even think I made a checklist ha! Now we grab it and go. Forgot to pack an extra outfit? No problem...just wearing a diaper is so in this season!

I was scared to death of changing diapers. Go easy on me....I had never changed one okay! Now I probably change 6-10 a day and have gotten pretty speedy at it;)

For some reason, I didn't think I could lay Emery down. If I needed to run to the kitchen, she came with. Since I am being honest here, I may or may not have brushed my teeth (and used the restroom--sorry for the TMI) while holding my newborn. This just makes me laugh thinking about it. Did I think she was suddenly going to be able to walk at two weeks old and leave if I put her down!?!? Now Em is old enough to play in her room by herself. Don't worry....I usually hover right outside her door and I can now recognize "The Quiet" that means she is doing something she isn't suppose to--officially a Mom over here!

Doug and I thought we had to do everything together when it came to Emery. We changed her, we bathed her, we both got up at night (Doug is pretty awesome), we were crazy. I guess neither of us wanted to miss anything those first months. We have since realized that multitasking is key in parenting. You give her a bottle while I pick up toys. You get her dressed and I will go pack the car. Team-work baby!

 

Speaking of teamwork, I have to reflect on the changes Emery has brought to our little family and relationship. Great relationships are tough and are always a work in progress. Children can make them tougher. Luckily I have a strong, understanding and thoughtful hubby. I personally would have dumped myself a couple of times over the past year, but he stuck by his girls and I have a new found love and respect for him. Emery has made us better team mates and better people.

 Emery has brought so much joy and laughter into our lives. I had no idea that the three of us rolling around on her bedroom floor all evening would be the highlight of my week. I didn't know a little kind pat from her would melt my heart (every time). I couldn't have imagined that a baby's giggle was contaguious or the overwhelming joy a little girl can wake up with every morning. I secretly love bedtime at our house because that means we get to wake up and do it all over again. The days go by fast. I just blinked and a year has gone by.....

I have loved Emery from the day I saw those two pink lines. I have loved Emery from the first moment I heard her little cry and saw her for the first time. But that love back then is nothing compared to the love that I have for her now. It grows leaps and bounds everyday...something I didn't even know was possible. It makes me think about my own parents and parents of grown children--If the love you have for your children grows more each day and year, my how lucky they are! Babies are miracles, but I think that one of God's greatest miracles is the power of love and the fact that our hearts can never stop growing in it.

A year ago I might have said my favorite part about being a Mommy was getting to rock Emery to sleep or maybe dressing her up in all those cute clothes. Those sound like pretty simple silly things, but I had never done those things and at the time that is what I thought being a Mommy was all about. But those were things that I was doing...not Emery. Now my absolute favorite thing would be stepping back and watching HER  do her. I could watch Em all day (and I do) explore and play and learn. I am happy to help teach her new things, but the amazing thing is that she teaches herself daily. I think she is the perfect mash-up of ornery and sweet. She thinks she is funny and I hope she keeps her spunkiness for life. As a Mom you worry, worry, worry---but if I just concentrated on those things, look at how much I would miss. So I pray and we play....what else is there to do?

A year ago I was waiting to hold my baby for the first time. Right now I am waiting for her to wake up from an extra long nap. I miss her. Yes, she is in the next room sleeping, and I miss her. If I can love her this much in a year and if so many things have changed in just a year, I have a hard time wrapping my head around next year or the next. But I am sooo looking forward to them. Bring on more laughter, love and memories!

(Sidenote: I hope you noticed all of the cute pictures. How could you not fall in love with this one!)