Mother's Day Mom-Thoughts

Coming off of an empowering Mom’s weekend away and sliding right into Mother’s Day weekend, I have been having lots of Mom-thoughts. Anywhere from how the heck do I get Emery Kayt to eat ONE green bean (just one) to how do I mold Auggie into the man I hope he becomes. Lots of little questions and even more big questions. I have been thinking a lot about God’s plan lately. How he planned all along to give me my two littles--to give me Doug. And how he has made others’ plans look different than mine. I wonder what the rest of my plan and my children’s plans look like. And with all of these Mom-thoughts comes a lot of Mom-feelings. Guilt, pride, courage, comparing, questioning.

So many women are like me and planned to become Mommies all along. We talk names and dream of nurseries. It is what we are ingrained to do. When we are ready for that plan to roll out we do what we need to do and it all works out. Perfect. That was my plan and it just happened to match up with God’s plan too. I now realize that this is not the case for so, so many. Becoming a Mother is not a one-track train. There is option A: get pregnant right when you want to. But then there is option B, C, D, and so on. Infertility treatment, adoption, unplanned, still waiting.... What I do find mind-blowing is that all of these are God’s plans and all are amazing and full of miracles.

BUT I will say this. And I am being honest. I am so very thankful that so far, my plan has worked out. Not too many can actually say that. The women around me that find joy and hope in that “different” looking plan have all of my respect. After talking with this girlfriend or that girlfriend I have thought about the what ifs. What if that were me? How would I have handled that? And really….I think I would have struggled. Hard. I really don’t think I would have been as strong or stayed as positive. So maybe that is why I got option A. I don’t know.  

I am not above telling you that I have questioned God on about a thousand things. I am sure you have too. Kind of like, “What exactly are you doing up there, God?” I have made empty threats. “If you don’t show your plan soon I will…….” I can just see him saying, “What….what do you think you are going to do….” And then I realize He already knows what I am going to do so arguing is pretty pointless. (Yes, all of this goes on in this head of mine.) I need to learn to just ride things out. Watch the plan unfold. Probably some of you are in this boat. So you are thinking the same as me….easier said than done.

Example: When I was little, I prayed every single night that my Mom and Dad would get back together. I hated that my family was different. “Why me, Lord? Why do my parents have to be divorced? There better be a good reason!” (Yes, I have always been a little feisty with God. Hey, he made me this way!) Fast forward. About a year or two of dating Doug, I found my answer and realized it was God’s plan all along. He had shown me what a marriage should not look like. He instilled in me the kind of future I wanted for myself and my family. And he gave me a man that fit perfectly into that plan. 

So no, my parents never got back together, but that was my will….not God’s. And looking back I am very thankful his way happened and not mine. I realize now that I wasted a lot of time questioning when I should have been thanking and trusting. I try to apply that lesson to my life now but sometimes as humans we really, really want something and can get pretty ticked off if we don’t get it. I just have to pray that God’s will be done…..and in the back of my mind I am hoping that his will matches up with mine. (And I know that he knows I am thinking that.)  So that is my prayer for you Mommies or Mommies-in-waiting out there who aren’t loving the plan you are on right now. Know that God sees you. Search inside your heart and make sure that you are not actively holding onto just your plan. I pray that God’s will be done in your life (but that it secretly matches up with your will too.)

(I decided to add this picture of just my Grandma's hands because she has the sweetest hands. I remember feeling them and holding them when I was little. She has made so many things for me and my children with these hands. I love them and hope that my grandchildren and great-grandchildren remember and love my hands as much as I love my G'mas.)

Mom-thought number two. “Mom-shaming”. Mom-shaming is when you judge other Moms for not being exactly like you. This can go two ways: you can look down on and judge them or it can make you look down on and judge yourself. I am guilty of both types. Probably most of us are to some degree. I have totally left a playdate or party thinking, “Wow….I am so glad my kid doesn’t act like so-n-so.” I have caught myself patting myself on the back when I can proudly say, “Oh yes, my babies slept through the night at fill in the blank weeks old….you should try this.” I am the Mom that likes to look like I have my act together. I want sweet, behaving kids (who sometimes happen to match), a perfectly packed diaper bag and I want to be early wherever I am going. So that is how I present myself….even if that outside presentation is a total lie. I might not let people know that Emery had a total snotty-red-faced melt down on the way and that Auggie ate his snacks off of my dirty kitchen floor because that is what kept him still and happy for two seconds (so I could pack said organized diaper bag.) Moms who look at me might think I have it all together and start second guessing what they are doing. Little do they know that I wish my house was clean or decorated like theirs. I really wish I had tried harder at breastfeeding. I wish I was doing fun projects instead of letting Emery spend too much time on her tablet. I wish I could be more present when sometimes I just want to get the dishes done and then shut myself in the bathroom and stare blankly at facebook. I am guilty of thinking the grass is greener over in that other Mom’s yard.

I have gone through some major mom guilt this year with the fact that I have to work. August Samuel brought on that one. I yearn to be with him. I can feel his baby-days slipping away. These past 11 months have gone by entirely too fast. And don’t even get me started on Emery Kayt. One minute I would give anything to stay home. I have told myself how “easy” it would be. I have had “I have to work and keep up with the house and the kids. I have way more on my plate than those stay-at-home Moms” pity-parties.  And the very next day I feel really bad for thinking that and thank the Lord that I have a job to go to because I don’t see how those Moms do it. They are amazing. I applaud you stay-at-home Mom!

I judge and then feel judged. I think I am doing everything right then I second guess my every move.

Why the heck do I do that to myself??

Why the heck do we do that to each other??

It has been brought to my attention lately that there is one answer: Sin. Sin can creep in so quickly and easily and we don’t even realize it. Yes, I know judging is a sin. Coveting what my neighbor has is a sin. These I am guilty of. But so is not placing God first, above all things. Yes, a million times I have felt the pull of God telling me to do something but thought to myself, “But I want to do this instead……” It is easier to do it my way or at least talk myself into thinking that my way is best. I have put my own desires and people and earthly things before him. And it is sometimes hard to admit that sin like that can be just as or even more detrimental to our lives than the actions we normally think of as sin. When I stand back and search my heart, it is kind of scary. Okay, like really scary. I am admitting now to you that I have some major work to do.

From the time we have our babies (natural, surrogate, induced, C-section, adoption…) to the time those babies are having their own babies, we have so many choices and decisions. So much to learn and not enough time in this life to learn it. If you think about it too much, being a good Mom and being a good Christian is kind of overwhelming. But the Bible says, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7. “His grace is sufficient for us, for His power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9.  As a new Mom who is searching for comfort and reassurance, these verses hit the spot. I am weak and He is strong. (And now I can hear Em’s sweet lispy voice singing, “Yesssss, Jesus loves meeeeee.”

No matter what, as long as we are seeking God’s plan and spend more time lifting other Moms up instead of tearing them down, everything is gonna be okay. Again, easier said than done, I know.

I find comfort in knowing that God sees me and is only there to help. “For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” Isaiah 41:13. He sees us, ladies. He is holding our hand through this crazy adventure called life. Just like we will always be there to hold the hand of our babies. God sees the all-organic Mom and the chicken nugget happy meal Mom (I fall into this category. I do love a chicken nugget.) He doesn’t care about those choices or if my diaper bag is a hot-mess or not. He breathes life to my formula fed baby and to your breastfeeding one. I love that he doesn’t care about any of that. He put me here to do so much more. Something much more important. So I pray for open mindedness and for reassurance and courage and comfort and unitedness (totally not a word) for all Moms out there.

From my Mom and Grandma, Doug’s Mom and Grandma, sister-in-laws, Aunt, cousin, babysitter, old friends and new ones, my life has been full of some pretty awesome women. My kids are very, very lucky. If I called everyone who has been a Mom to me or my kids or who has helped me become the Mom I am, I would spend my entire Mother’s Day on the phone. I couldn’t afford to buy all of you flowers on your special day--way too expensive.  But I can think of you, lift you up and say a little prayer for your plan. I can reassure you that you are rocking this Mom-thing. (And please….reassure me from time to time too.)

So those are my Mom-Thoughts for this Mother's Day. Thanks for listening. And have a Happy Mother’s Day this weekend. New Moms, old Moms, Moms struggling with loss, soon-to-be Moms, Moms who mother in their own special way. You deserve it!