F I V E

Seats at a table. Paper plates at lunch. Seatbelts buckled. 

Please watch over prayers in the morning. Thankful prayers at night.

I realized the other day that I count to five a lot throughout my day. I would have never dreamt how important and meaningful that number would become in my life. 

We had our first family pictures taken since Bennett Lee was born. I am lucky to have a best friend who made us smile and laugh and captured my family of five just the way I was hoping. Just the way I imagine them. 

Sweet smiling sister, ornery eyed brother, crinkle nosed baby boy.

Clear blue eyes and one dimple each.

I just love them so much. 

Emery Kayt is five and a half. This has been the year of confidence, friendship and new-found passions. She wants dropped off at school early so she can stand with friends, I do her hair every morning just to have her come home looking completely different because "I don't like bows", and we rarely see her shy-side anymore. She has fallen in love with friendship this year. Her backpack comes home filled with secret friendship notes and she would rather play with our little neighbor girl than do just about anything else. Honestly, I can't think of anything else that tops that. This year has also been the year of our friendship. Lots of together time that wasn't in our lives before has been really good for me and for her I hope. She loves to dance like no one is watching, she could draw and cut and craft all day and she loves learning. I might be the teacher, but she gets her curiosity from her Daddy. Tears come quickly with worry or frustration (she gets that from me) and while she seems so big at times, I look at this picture and realize she is still my baby girl. She still has the best cackle, hands down, and she still ends every night with, "I don't love a little bit of people, I love a lot of people. Cause I am everybody's best friend and I'm a sweety." 

Sadly her little lisp is gone but she definitely still is our sweety. 

August Samuel is three and a half. This has been the year of big emotions, imagination and growth.

Three was our hardest year with Em and the same so far can be said for Auggie. He is stubborn. Very.      Someday this will serve him well but right now Doug and I are trying to teach patience and reasoning. With those lessons can come big emotions but everything Auggie does is big. Including love. He has always been my little lover boy. Imagination is his favorite form of play. He has cows to milk, basketball games to win, and bad guys to get. And it all depends on what shoes he is wearing. He wants nothing more than to tag-a-long in imaginary play with Emery or sit and have books read to him over and over. He could read them himself...he doesn't forget anything. He is our whirlwind, asks us if his bad actions were an "accident" even when he knows he did it on purpose and he wants what he wants when he wants it. But, he really has grown so much in the last few months. His excitement about life is palpable, he has turned into a comforter and makes us laugh even when we are at our wits end. There has always been a little sparkle in his eye. A little something special about our Auggie Boy. 

Bennett Lee just turned one. This has been the year of daily changes, a little bit of chaos and joy. Just pure joy. Really he is why this is the year of F I V E. Just over a year ago we were blessed with our surprise, our number three, our Baby B. Even though this is my third time around, I am amazed at all the changes that take place in a short year. And while I do secretly miss rubbing my cheek over his silky, dark, newborn head of hair in the middle of the night, it is his big goofy grin and excited squeals that I simply cannot live without now. With every new baby stage, our family of five has had to change and I am proud of us. B has brought chaos as all third babies do. Honestly, life seemed a little bit easier back when he was a newborn than it does today (but I wouldn't have said that back then). Bennett has taught us patience and priorities and what it means to love without abandon. That kind of love is what I picture when I think back to the first time Emery met her baby brother. Instant, head-over-heels, and growing. Bennett is spunky, always always going and the joy he has brought to us is my absolute favorite. 

Douglas and I have been married for seven years but I have been crushing on him for about 13. I haven't asked him if he feels the same way, but I feel more connected and closer to him this year than all the rest. This has been the year of team-work. It had to be. In everything I have done this year, he has been right there asking how he can help. Not with his words so much, but with his actions. Being outnumbered by littles, we of course have had to work on communication and team-work, but there are so many other things that I have felt his backing in. I don't tell him thank you enough or that I love him enough. He is my best friend, my first big blessing and I wouldn't want to do this whole five thing with anyone else. 

We each play a part. Each of our relationships is different. Since I am surrounded by high schoolers all day, I find myself imagining what these relationships will be like in ten years. I am sure all families have a picture in their heads of what is to come. I'm also sure we all picture perfection. I know it won't be. All I can do is pray that the love I see in these pictures has multiplied ten-fold in the ones we have taken far into the future. 

I love having a daughter but it also scares me. I worry the most about raising her. I just want so much for her. I want her to be confident and courageous. I want her to be brave and happy and above all else, kind. This year I have realized that the only way to do this is to show this. And there in-lies the worry...because Lord knows I fail to be these myself everyday! But I am already so proud of this little girl and the person God has already made her. So I will keep trying my best while I pray for God's plan for her life. 

I am so happy for my boys. So happy that they have a dad like Doug. Doug is totally the reason Auggie throws everything at everything and I swear my husband's place at the supper table is always messier than theirs but I so hope they grow up to be just like him. They will always have a fan, an ear to listen and someone to play with. When I look into their blue eyes, and Em's, my heartstrings pull a little because I just see their Daddy and their bond.

Em has always been a Daddy's girl. Big time. 

And Aug has always been all mine. 

I think we all want to be B's favorite. He is never ever without an entertainer and we might be creating a little monster.

F I V E is my favorite number right now. Five times the laundry and the dishes and the worry. But five times the memories and the fun and the love. Somedays I forget to say it and somedays I even forget to feel it, but I am so so thankful for my favorite number and my favorite people.