New Years Resolution: What is Good

After Christmas I always find myself thinking about the new year and what I think or at least hope it will be like. I also can't ever help but think back through the last 365 days. Having this blog lends itself to actually transporting back to this time last year (and many years before) and seeing the areas in which we grew and changed and the areas in which we still need to work.

Boy. This time last year I was a mess. I could feel my enjoyable, easy maternity leave slipping through my fingers and I was terrified of our new normal. The pressure of figuring out school and three kids and trying to be a better me was very overwhelming. I didn't see how we were going to keep our heads above water.

But here I am and here my little family of five is. We made it just fine. Sure, there were sleepless nights (and sometimes still are), there were tears and fears and big messes. But there was so much joy and laughter and fun and just so much good stuff too.

It just reminds me of how fast a season can go. When you are stuck in a hard season it feels like the end isn't even close to insight. It feels like this is how its gonna be forever. 

"Well, this is my life now." 

I remember feeling like that when Emery cried for the first ten days of her life or when I didn't get a job I thought I deserved or when I could see the messes and laundry piling up around me as three crying littles fought for my attention and all I wanted to do was cry myself.

You don't think those hard seasons are going to end. But they do.

Looking back through my entire life, there has never not been a silver-lining eventually or an ah-ha moment of realizing that God had a plan all along. And I firmly believe that I (and Doug and my kiddos) are better because of these seasons. This past year took more team-work from Doug and I than ever before and we are better for it. This past season took patience and letting go and communication and honesty and love.

So while it might have been kind of hard sometimes, it was definitely worth it. 

I also am not blind to the fact that my silver-linings have seemed to come fairly quickly while so many others around me are still waiting for God's plan to unfold.

This year one of my resolutions is to really really pray for those people who I find on my heart. For the rainbow baby to be brought home, for a well earned raise, for relationships to be mended, for hearts to be healed, for anxiety and worry to be gone and for happiness to be found.

When I think about this new year and the season of life we are in right now, everything just feels good. I don't feel overwhelmed or anxious or pulled too thin which is kind of funny because I swear we are busier right now than ever before. So again that hard season must have done something. It must have prepared us and made a way for us to be enjoying our now.

I find it hard to believe that another new year is here but I like new. I find it exciting to think about all the possibilities a whole new year can bring. 

And I also do like a New Year's resolution but I think I will keep it fairly simple this year. 

I want to do things that are good for me and my people.

I want to make reading my bible and meaningful prayer a priority that my day doesn't feel complete without, I want to keep running and even run a half marathon (who wants to run with me!?!), I want to say yes to adventures and fun, I want to put the phone down and be present, I want to say I love you and thank you more than I have ever said those words before. Just whatever feels good and is good--thats what I want to do.

*Edit to original post*
I wrote my original post quickly during a nap time. It is amazing how much you can get done in a nap time. I was happy with it and happy with my resolution, I closed up my computer and made a mental note to read it through one more time before I posted. And then something tugged at me for a few days. The word Good. You see, I had started typing the post before I really knew what my final resolution would be but when the words "What is Good" appeared in the title line, I knew exactly what my new year was going to be all about. I just didn't realize who had given me the idea.

Today when I read back through my post, again I felt a tugging on my mind and on my heart. There was something I wasn't remembering. And then I saw the picture of my grandparents I have hanging on the side of my refrigerator. It is the first picture I see when I walk into my home.

It was then that I remembered my Grandma's favorite verse, the verse she had me share with her family when we told them about her diagnosis. A verse I hadn't thought about since last March. But a verse that I very much need to remember and that very much fits my hopes for this next year.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything; tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about.” Philippians 4:6-8

If that doesn't perfectly sum up what I am praying for in 2019, I don't know what does.
Thank you, Grandma. For everything.

This season and this new year is going to be a good one, I can feel it. 

My hope is that you can feel it too.

Happy New Year everyone!